The Low Down-Part One

Funny movie...not exactly accurate...

I want to write a post about how surrogacy works. I think there is a lot of misunderstanding and confusion out there so I'd like to see if I can clear some of it up. There are two types of surrogates-a traditional surrogate and a gestational surrogate.

A traditional surrogate is where a woman is impregnated by a donors sperm, this means that the child she will carry is genetically linked to her but she will still be handing the baby over to the parent(s) in the end and will have no parental rights. THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM...just so we're clear.

I am a gestational surrogate (GS). That means that I will go through IVF and have an embryo(s) transferred into my uterus. It is not my egg nor my husbands sperm and the baby will not have any genetic link to either one of us. Therefore, it is not our child but that of the intended parents (referred from here on as IP's). 

You can become a surrogate one of two ways, either through and agency or independently. I personally would never choose to go at it independently. There is a lot of screening (of GS's and IP's), background checks, paperwork, legal aspects, medical stuff, ect. I think it would be incredibly overwhelming and stressful to figure it all out on my own. There are many, many agencies out there and if you are interested in becoming a GS, I highly recommend doing your research and making sure you choose one that fits you. I love my agency, they have been really wonderful but I also don't believe one size fits all. Since I am using an agency and that is what I have experience with, I will explain the process from that perspective.

In early 2012, I contacted the agency I had decided to work with. After filling out the initial online questionnaire, I was e-mailed back and asked to fill out a much longer application. This is the main screening tool used by the agency to decided whether or not you are a good candidate for surrogacy. After what felt like 30 pages of questions and writing out my life story, I sent the application, along with a picture or two, back to the agency. I was quickly contacted again by a surrogacy coordinator. This person works with potential surrogates to answer any questions about surrogacy, gets a profile put together for IP's to view, goes over medical insurance if you have it, collects past medical records, and makes sure all the I's are dotted and T's are crossed. Once everything is in place, my profile is then ready for IP's to see. Then it's waiting time...

Every case and person is different and there is no way of telling how long it might take to match with a couple. I should also note that within the application, you can choose if you are willing to work with only a married couple, a couple who is not married, a homosexual couple, or a single parent. Sometimes the choice you make can delay the matching process or speed it up-there's no telling. I believe in the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman and because of this belief, chose to only be matched with a married heterosexual couple. That was mine and my husbands decision and we felt strongly about it. Everyone is entitled to their thoughts, beliefs, or opinions, that was ours.

Anyway, throughout the entire 'waiting to be matched' process, my surrogate coordinator was always there to reassure or answer questions. Finally, in September 2012, I heard that there were a few couples who might be interested in me. I was beyond excited and really had my hopes up. It took a few more weeks, another application to update my profile since it had been so long, but at last there was a couple who wanted to go ahead and meet me. I was thrilled!! DISCLAIMER: I will only refer to the couple as IP's, IM (intended mother) or IF ( intended father) I will not ever give any personal information away. Thank you.

Finally, I had a 'blind phone date' with a couple on November 5th, 2012. I can't even tell you how nervous I was, seriously, ask my husband. I just wanted them to like me!! Okay, so the meeting went like this...A conference call was set up- I am in Idaho, my agency is in California, and the couple resides out of the country- so we had to accommodate all the time zones. The call is held between my husband and I, the couple, as well as the owner of the agency (phew!). The owner kind of resides over the call and asks questions of each side, why we both chose surrogacy, and we all get to know each other and go over the main points. After about an hour of conversation, and the owner getting a feel for how we were getting along, asked if both sides wanted to 'match' and move to the next step. We both said yes, of course, which was really awesome. It was a great phone call and I had a great feeling about the couple. 

Once the match happens, both sides are assigned a case worker (who exchanges both parties emails and contact info) at the agency who works with us throughout the rest of the process and is a mediator of sorts so that the GS and IP's can just focus on creating a relationship and then of course a baby :). Our case worker is wonderful and works hard to make sure things are going smoothly. She coordinates trips, appointments, shares in the joys and disappointments, takes care of any problems or conflicts...pretty much why I would never try it alone without an agency :)

So, I'm matched. Then what? From there things moved really quickly for us. The next step for me was to do a psych screening and medical evaluation. The psych screening was a two step process- I had about 500 yes/no questions and then had a Skype chat for almost an hour with a psychologist. Apparently I'm not a screwed up as I thought I was and I passed-yay! Next was the medical evaluation- it was set for November 14th. Since the fertility clinic that the IP's are using is in California, that meant my husband and I had to fly there to do the eval. I had my amazing and wonderful sister (and her hubby and two kids) drive three hours to stay with the kids and we made a quick (so very long) day trip down the Cali. We drove two hours to Boise to catch a plane and flew into Burbank. We picked up the rental car and made the short drive to Pasadena where the clinic is located and spent a couple hours getting our blood drawn and going through their medical screening. Then we flew back home that night. It all went great and the RE (fertility doctor) was so great and said that I was a perfect candidate for surrogacy! Hooray! I was moving right along and so excited!

Since this is getting a bit lengthy, I think I'll stop and continue in another post. Assuming everyone is still awake and with me, I'll catch you on the next one!  

Here's a picture of a cute baby to hold you over...

Moo